I’m not sure about it.
It seems to have deviated from it being a place where I can rant, into somewhere I am dumping my blues and general misery…and I don’t know if I want that or not?
When I started it began with the aim of making accusations of fairytales, princesses and princes. Of giving me an outlet for my anger at the world. Now it has turned into part-journal, part-creative outlet and part-confessional.
The first two parts I am happy with, I enjoy doing the creative tasks I get as the ‘Post a day challenge’ and I have enjoyed writing some of my more humorous pieces.
Then I post things like yesterdays blog…and probably this one as well.
For those who have put up with me for the past year I can’t imagine it brings back great memories, they are remnants of a time when I wasn’t shiny at all. Yet part of me needs them, otherwise I drop back into the “I’m fine” routine. Then I post regurgitated depression.
I’ve already lied four times this week saying I’m fine.
Perhaps next time I should tell you what it is…but those who know me will have probably heard it before.
So what to do?
I’ve done a lot of thinking this week, and think I need a new start. A complete reset.
My life reset is not going to be easy, I don’t even know what I want it to be like. This is going to have to be a work in progress.
This blog however, I have an idea of what I want it to be. I want it to be different, I feel even its title needs to change.
That’s why I am going to reset it as well.
This is going to be the the penultimate post here…the next one will be to finally close this and move on. What that moving on is I have yet to decide. Part of me is thinking that I am blogging in the wrong way, I intended this to be for me yet I write like an attention whore…I check my hits more than I write my posts. Perhaps I need to separate the personal from my creative a bit more. Perhaps I should stop altogether.
In any case I think it might be best if I leave the really crappy feelings inside, and not advertise them. Afterall it’s not fun for others to read how depressed you are.
So, this is post 166 in a series of 167.
Have a good weekend.